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Homeward Bound
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I am a soon to be single mother trying to find the money to go back home to Alaska, where I was raised.

Why do you want to go back to Alaska?! So many people have asked me this and many other questions, so let me explain.

I was raised there and I want to raise my girls there too. I think it's the best place on earth to live. I have an awesome support network of friends who will help me get settled and have several job opportunities if I can just get there! I truly believe that I can do more for my girls up there. Alaska has always been my home... even though I haven't been back for so long. Texas and I just don't mix, I guess. Almost everything awful in my life has happened to me here. I have had 3 bad marriages, and I just want to go back home and raise my girls in peace. I think leaving Alaska was the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. It's been downhill ever since and all I want is to be there in the fresh air, mountains and all that natural beauty and get my roots back, heart and fearless attitude back. I want my girls to have the same opportunities I had there. I want to give them White Christmases, Hot chocolate with marshmallows stirred with candy canes, take them sledding, snowmobiling, skiing, fishing, camping... all of it. I want them to play outside, see wildlife, breath that clean air, watch the northern lights, taste the snow, play outside without heat stroke (which my youngest is prone to), I want them to experience those long sunny summer days and hear how peaceful the world is when it's covered with snow. I had a peacefulness there that I've never found in any other state I've lived in. I want to give that to my children, and I also want my children to see their Mom finally happy, peaceful and content. I try to always put on a happy face and keep negativity in myself hidden, but even the littlest ones can sense their mother's stress.

How did an Alaskan end up in Texas?

My first husband got a great job here when he got out of the military. That was 14 years ago. I wanted to go back to Alaska when that marriage fell apart, but my parents had moved south as well. I've never ran home to my parents, no matter where they lived. I'm not like that. So, since they were only a state away, I stayed in Texas, so at least I was somewhat close to them for a while. They moved again, though, a few years into my 2nd marriage. When that one fell apart, I briefly considered moving out to Arizona, just because I was having such a rough time with that divorce, it took a lot outta me, but again, I couldn't run to them. I'm an adult, should be able to survive on my own and stand on my own two feet. My dad raised me to be tough and I thought running to them would be failing myself and also them. So, I stuck it out and, well, 2 years later, there I go.. got married again! So, since my last 2 husbands were Texans, well, guess where I had to stay?

Rude question, but, what happened with your marriages? I mean 3 times?!

Hey, ask all you want, I'm an open book. I'm not proud of my choices. But, I've had to live with them, so now here I am stuck, but I'm working on that. I was only 19 when I got married the first time. I was young, wanted adventure, romance and all that stuff young girls who read too many romance novels and watch night time soaps dream about. We just grew up and unfortunately, in different directions. I think it really ended when we had premature twins who died within an hour of their birth. We didn't talk, didn't know how to comfort each other and our communication broke down. By the time we had our daughter, our communication had all but broken down, he retired from the military, got a job here in Texas and also had several side jobs. We didn't spend any time together and ultimately, we really weren't compatible, had different dreams and ideals. By the time we realized we were in trouble, it was too late. We didn't like each other any more and had lost respect, which a marriage just can't survive without respect for each other. My 2nd marriage was 2 years later. Well, long story short on this one... he cheated on me with a supposed friend before, after and while I was pregnant with our daughter, who, as a traumatic result of my finding this out, was born prematurely at 7.5 months. She was only 2 lbs 13 oz when she was born and in NICU for 7 weeks. Now, you would never know she was a preemie, she's a HUGE 4 year old and healthy as an ox, Thank God! Eventually, even though I tried to forgive him and make our marriage work, for our baby's sake, he just couldn't let loose of that woman and her money, so he left us for her when our baby was only 7 months old. He didn't help us at all financially, even though his girlfriend and her family are very wealthy. I lost our home 3 months after he left, I couldn't pay for it, even though I was working. I get child support now because I have the state take it from him, but other than that, he's not involved with her life at all. Doesn't even see her but maybe 2 times a year and he's only an hour and a half away from her. It's sad, really.

This latest one, well, I was blind. He seemed like a wonderful man, somewhat decent provider when he worked, had good strong morals and dreams. But, it seems once I said, I DO, he changed. He became possessive, selfish, impatient and critical, not only of me but the kids. He has this violent undercurrent that scared me.. still does. He's never hit me, but his temper gets so out of control sometimes, I knew the day would come. If he doesn't like something I say, he compares me to his psycho ex-wife and tells me to shut my "f"ing mouth. He's also abused my dog,and what kind of monster, could abuse a sweet Golden Retriever?! I couldn't take his emotional/verbal abuse anymore and his yelling at me in front of the kids. That's very bad. I don't want my children in that kind of environment, it's unhealthy and unstable. I want to get us as far away as we can from this man... it's the only way I think I'll ever truly have peace.

I learned from my mistakes, that's the important thing isn't it? So, why now? Because I think it's time. I have opportunities and dreams up there. I've given up my dreams and goals or put them on hold for every one of these husbands. I didn't do what I wanted or what I believed was best for me. It's time for me to make my life right again. I feel this in my gut. It's time to go home and reclaim my life on my terms, for my children. I've let everybody else who ended up not being good for me tell me what to do, whether I agreed with it or not. It's time to start listening to myself. Ultimately, I am the only one who can make what I want happen, and all I want is what's best for my family.

What would it take for me to get there?

10 thousand. I've estimated my costs. They include gas, lodging, food and vehicle repair so my van's safe to make that 4000 mile trip. I can make it with 5 thousand, but if I run into vehicle problems, I want to be sure I'm not stuck, you know? My van's a 2000 Ford Windstar with 120 thousand miles on it. It needs struts and front end work, plus I want to run a complete diagnostic and get whatever belts, hoses, repairs or whatever I need so it's safe. I certainly don't want a new vehicle and be stuck with payments and I own the van outright, so that's a blessing if I can get it to run reliably. Also, the extra money would be for setting up living arrangements, stocking the pantry, buying warm clothes for the kids, paying back the friends I stay with until my place is ready, and getting my few belongings shipped. Can I be honest? It's embarrassing for me to have to put myself out here like this, but there's no way I can do this myself. Like I said earlier, I have a lot of pride and have NEVER asked anybody for help in my life, not even my parents, they tried to raise me better than that. But, maybe that's been my downfall, not taking the help that's been offered me. I just hope I'm not too late and there's some wonderful people out there who can understand and have the kindness and compassion to see that they'd be helping a family have a happy life and a great future. I have NO plans to go up and be a state welfare case, like I said, my pride won't allow that. I can make my own living and provide decently for my children, but, it's just a matter of GETTING there and grabbing those opportunities before they're gone. That's the hard part and I'm completely at a loss right now. I don't have any kind of friends or support system here in this little town. I barely make it by right now, there's no way I can possibly come up with the money to move. I'm just completely stuck and backed into a wall that I can't get passed. That's why I'm doing this. Like I said, I'm embarrassed, humiliated... and swallowing a lot of pride, but now's not the time for pride. It's about what's best for my family, and I'll do whatever it takes at this point...well, NOT whatever it takes.. MARRIAGE is DEFINATELY out of the question, obviously!!LOL So is selling myself in anyway or doing something illegal.

Anyway, hopefully some wonderful philanthropic hearted people find me and decide my family and I are worth helping. If you do find us, know that you will blessing this family with a second chance at happiness. You will forever have our prayers and gratitude.

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Here I will keep a running tally of how close I'm getting to my goal...I'll begin that on August 15th.

This site is a member of WebRing. To browse visit here.

Please get in touch with any help or advice you can donate. Thank you so much for all your donations, advice and prayers.